Grandma Rae

I'm not sure what to say. I never thought losing someone could hurt so much and she hasn't left me yet. Is it the fear right now? Will the pain be worse or less when I'm told? All I know is that I'm not taking it well. I know some of it might have to do with my pregnancy and being on the emotional roller coaster called hormones. Maybe its the guilt I feel for not being with her more.

She was never the nicest person and the past year she became very hateful towards me at times. I know a lot had to do with her age and dementia. Still through it all I'm told that I'm all she asks about.

When I saw her on Monday she had a breathing tube and was sedated. Whenever she heard my voice she would open her eyes and try to pull out the tubing. I had to leave the room because she was getting to stirred up. I was told that the tubes came out on Tuesday and by Wednesday she was talking. Diane told me that she would constantly ask where i was and if i was coming to see her. This lasted yesterday to today. Diane and my mom told her that i would be in today to see her. Before i could make it in she took another bad turn. I'm left wondering if I'll be able to see her. See her to where she is conscious enough to know I'm there.

Over the past few days its been made clear to me that not only was I her granddaughter but that i was her best friend. Now that i think about it she was mine too. See has seen me through my worst and my best. She was there for me to talk to when i was mad at someone. She took care of me when I was sick. I use to get so mad at her for always checking in on me and waking me up. Now I realize that she was that worried about me that she wanted to be by my side. I know that it is now time for me to return the favor.

Tomorrow I will be back at the hospital waiting. Trying to hold myself together.

Back from Disneyland

So we just got back from our 3 day trip to Disneyland. It was awesome but boy am I worn down. I will be blogging later but for now i need some rest.

Truth Be Told

Today I was faced with many obstacles. See what do you do when telling the truth makes someone look so horrible that they could stand to lose everything? Do you sugar coat the facts? Do you try and stay clear of the storm? What if children are involved? See children stand to lose no matter which way you look at things. I guess only time will tell.

My Brother

Kudos to my brother Bryan choosing to enter the Sheriff's Academy. I'm very Proud of you!

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.........

I found it very interesting that when i went to log into my Myspace last night that it asked for me to enter a captcha. Then it asked me again this morning. When Karl logged in it also asked him to. Well I will tell you this. I know myspace and the only reasons you get asked for captcha's is if A) You are logging in under another ip address (to stop phising) B) Someone is attempting to log into your account several times with an incorrect password or C) Myspace does periodic checks. So i talked to my daughter and friends whom none had to enter catpcha's within the last few days. Except Anita. She had to enter in one yesterday. This falls into things that make you go hmmmm.

I'm not stupid and have very good intuition. Not to mention I have ways of finding out. You are not that smart and conniving as you seem to think.

Custody Agreements

I find myself wondering if people fully read their custody agreements. You see when we get them i feel people pay the most attention to The Regular Time Share Periods and Holidays. They don't get into specifics because they feel those are not important. Yet if you were to take out your agreement and find that you share Joint Legal Custody of your children, well then your in for a big surprise. After doing research and comparing Karl's along with several others to mine, i found that its pretty standard in all. Still most parents do not follow these simple instructions. Its long but I do encourage you to read and at the end find out what your consequences are. Its not pretty.......

1. LEGAL CUSTODY
A. The parent shall have JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY of the child/children. In exercising joint legal custody, the parents shall share in the responsibility and confer in good faith on matters concerning the health, education and welfare of the children.

1) Each parent shall notify the other of the name and address of each health practitioner who examines or treats any of the children; such notification to be made within 3 days of the commencement of the first such treatment or examination.

2) Limited to emergency situations, each parent shall be authorized to take any and all actions necessary to protect the health and welfare of the children, including, but not limited to consent to EMERGENCY surgical procedures or treatment. The parent authorizing such emergency treatment shall notify the other parent as soon as possible of the emergency situation and of all procedures or treatment administered to any of the children.

3) Each parent shall have access to the children's school, medical and dental records and the right to consult with those professionals providing services to the children.

4) Each parent shall be designated as a person the children's school is to contact in the event of an emergency.

5) Each parent shall keep the other advised at all times of his/her current residence address, telephone numbers (home and work), the children's school, and the location of any place where the children will be spending any extended period of time four days or longer.

B. In exercising joint legal custody, the parents must consult in making decisions on the following matters:

1) Enrollment in or leaving a particular private or public school or day care center.
2) Participation in particular religious activities or institutions.
3) Beginning or ending psychiatric, psychological, or other mental health counseling or therapy.
4) Selection of a doctor, dentist, or other health professional (except in emergency situations).
5) Participation in extracurricular activities.
6) Out-of-country or out-of-state travel

C. The consequences of not consulting the other parent may be:

1) FAILURE TO COOPERATE IN THESE MATTERS COULD RESULT IN SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY BEING AWARDED TO ONE PARENT.

D. In all other matters, in exercising joint legal custody, the parents may act alone, as long as the action does not conflict with any orders concerning the custody of the children.




So all in all this is just the basic written in most. I used the term children throughout only because I have 2. I do however urge all to reread their agreements. You will find that most of you or your ex are in violation. You will also find more to custody agreements that break things down on a individual basis, IE Physical Custody, Visitation, Holidays/Special Days/Vacations, Transportation/Exchanges, Telephone Guideline's, Generally, Restraints on Conduct and Instructions from the Court. I might throughout the week touch ground on these issues to . Honestly the ones I listed above are the are the main mistakes that parents make that cause them to loose custody of their children. All to often parents play selfish roles. They take on the God complex and believe that they and only they make the decisions. This is the road to that's leads to many downfall.

Relay for Life Part 1

I woke up this morning feeling more tired then normal. I'm running a slight fever and my body aches. I really don't feel like doing much today but i know i need to get some things done.

I talked to Anita for a bit this morning letting her know that we have tons of ink cartridges for donation. Since that conversation i have acquired 7 old cell phones to go along with that. This is just from my Parents, Kiersten and my Grandmother. I still have more friends and family members to hit up. My plan of action is to create a list of items for donation. That way it gives people several options and makes it less likely for them to say no. To all my crafty friends and family I will be asking that they create something that could be raffled or either silent auctioned off. With Karl going on vacation this week, we will start cleaning out the shed, our house and his old place. All items that are in good condition we will be setting aside for a yard sale when it warms up.

Thank you cards will be sent out to all who donated. I however plan on taking it a step further. My plan is to create a scrapbook. With every person who donates whether big or small for a dollar their name, picture and a personal note will be placed on a page in this book. I plan to have it on display at our booth for all to see. To me this is more personal and brings us closer to all that have donated and helped us.

Well that's all I can think of for now but I will keep you all updated as I go.

Valentines Day

I had my party yesterday and i believe it went really well. Although not many people showed it was still a full house. We had several crafts for the kids to do and some came out very creative. Food started with a veggie and fruit tray followed by the create you own pizza bar and Jessica's 7 layer dip. I know the kids really enjoyed their day. There were plenty of cookies and cupcakes to go around. Jessica and I made goody bags that seemed to be a hit with the kids as well. Overall it was a day for friends to get together.

We even found time to start talking about Relay for Life. Everyone was exited. Anita and I shared the fundraisers that are in place and the ones we have acquired but still need to get the details together. We talked about some other ideas but its still the beginning. I know there was some concern about me walking the track when the time came. Honestly I should be ok. Even though I'm suppose to be taking it easy and the doctors told me no excercising, I'm thinking walking should be ok. The doctors told me that our trip to Disneyland at the end of the month will be ok as long as I'm not overdoing myself. I need to drink plenty of fluids and take breaks. That shall be my plan for the relay. Oh yeah, Tisha, Jessica and Miss Cera you all need to get signed up.

Last night Karl had us all go out to the Verizon store. I think he was a bit fed up with Kiersten's phone just as she was. With Karl's help she ended up getting a Dare. I think he had more fun then she did when getting this phone. They both were messing with the phone last night. I fell asleep. I think today he is going to start getting her music and media up and going.

Today I'm going to go to Church with Jessica and Cera. Tisha is going to come along too. Lets see how this goes. Afterwards Cera will be coming home with me and the girls. This should be fun. I love my crazy niece. Its always fun seeing what she comes up with next or just listening to her wacky stories.

Simply Him

Last night Karl got home a half hour later then normal. I was expecting him to be later. Right now his work is getting ready for inventory on the 17th which means tons of overtime especially for the managers.
Well when he got home i had just started making dinner. He jumped right in and started helping me. We began talking about his work. Since I have worked for Walmart it is very easy for us to carry on a conversation about it. So here he is telling me about his day and all the mishaps going on. Explaining what his game plan is and how he mostly has all his stuff taken care off. Right then he tells me how he told another manager to give his overtime to Mat so that he can come home and be with his wife. I stopped, almost got emotional and asked him if he really said that. He was a bit puzzled and said yes, why wouldn't I? He said that he looks forward coming home to me. He continued to talk about how although the overtime would be nice he felt that Mat needed it more then we did. Overtime for us is extra play money while overtime for Mat will help out with the week he is taking off to welcome his baby girl into the world.
I find that I at times get so wrapped up in everyday life that i tend to forget the type of person my husband is. I know who he his but sometimes things fall below the surface. Its when they are brought out that it reminds you why you fell in love this this person.
I look forward to the many years we will have together and the family we will raise together. I have no doubts about this amazing man.

Nadya Suleman

Like many I have been following her story and I have to say that like most I'm pissed. Especially after reading that she now has a website accepting donations. Here is a woman who has 6 children already that she financially cannot afford.She receives welfare and disability payments for 3 of her children. That's her income.
Her parents have come forward stating that they have lost their own home trying to support their daughter and now currently live with her where they continue to foot most of the bills and help raise the children. They are not happy that she decided to have more. Her parents have talked about the financial struggle they currently have with the 6 and have no clue how they are going to pull off having 8 more. When asked about them walking away and making their daughter take full responsibility they said they could not for they did not want to see the children suffer for their mother's choices.
So when should we as a society chime in on this. My feelings are weather you have 1 child, 3 children or 6, you need to not have more when you cannot afford them. I'm sorry but when you cannot feed your children, properly clothe them, provide a home with necessities and have to rely on the welfare system to do this for you, well then you do not need more kids. Even still when you are unable to this while receiving welfare, you do not need more kids. I understand accidents happen but when you purposely get pregnant in this position you better be prepared to get slammed for your choices. Its clear that Nadya from interviews and several other people i know don't care and are going to take advantage of the welfare system.
Now i find it funny that she claims that her public assistance is not welfare. I'm sorry but when did welfare change? The last I knew California Welfare was a single or combination of any of the following. Cash aid, food stamps and medi-cal. My friend Cathy who is a worker even stated that WIC, IEHP and the Gain program fall into this category because it comes from or branched off from a major fund. Because many like Nadya don't receive cash aid they feel as though they are not on welfare. When you receive food stamps, medi-cal and wic, you are on welfare.
Now lets talk about schooling. Most who receive welfare will chose to take some classes at a collage or trade school so that they will not have to participate in the Gain program. I don't know about you but if I wanted to better myself and support my family I would be working and going to school. Welfare does it all for you. They will help you fill out applications for grants that come from the state. They help to get you enrolled, pay for clothing, child care and gas. This is for both schooling and jobs. The list goes on. The state will foot the bill in hopes that you will get off your butt and support your family that you decided to have. Still most will take only minimal class's when asked but never finish. Simply so that they will not have to get a job.
Nadya is racking up bills that us taxpayers will be responsible for.
Right now it is estimated that the octuplet's medical bills while staying in NICU be over 1.3 million. Kaiser has already begun billing medi-cal. This list goes on and on and on. I also could go on about the stupidity of some people but honestly will not get anywhere until our government decides to take action. I realize that they have tightened the restrictions for welfare but sadly they leave loop holes. Honestly i would like to think that it is shear stupidity on ones part to keep having kids when they cannot afford them. The reality of it is they are lazy con artists. Swindling the system and the taxpayers. Taking advantage of a system meant to help families expierencing hard times. Families who maintained jobs to support their own but had a wrench thrown at them. Families who need a little help with every intention of getting back on their feet and supporting their own. NOT LAZY CONS!!

Babies, vistors and witch's

While talking to my sis-in -law today i discovered that my other sis-in-law is pregnant. Wait it gets better, we are only a few days apart. I'm still not knowing what to think about it all. I just know that it will be hard for the both of us. She is pretty much a high risk to. It will be interesting to see the turn out. Rocky was asking if i was going to have a baby shower and I told her yes. I told her my friend Anita has claimed dibbs but I'm sure that i might end up having more then one.

We have already begun looking for a bigger house. I'm hoping to be out of my 2 bedroom home by the time the baby is born. I'm not sure what I'm looking for but I will know when i see it. I know that in the mean time i do need to a sweeping of the house. I have always been open and kind to passing visitors in the house. My children have been taught not to fear them. When i do come across a new visitor I simply ask for it to not scare the kids and to respect the house and my boundaries. Most of the time i have no problems. I can only count 1 time that i had to get forceful in this house. Needless to say there is a presence in my house that is giving me an uncomfortable feeling. A sweeping is my kind way of tossing the negativity. If it so chooses to step up to me and react unkindly, it will learn just how powerful I am.

Today Kiersten came home asking about witches. They are now starting to study the 16th century witch trials in class. She had raised her hand and told the teacher that although she was unsure of the full story she was aware that she had ancestors on my side that were persecuted in the Norwegian trials and an ancestor from her fathers side that suffered the same fate in the Salem trials. Her teacher had ask for her to do research and to do a presentation in class. I told her i had no problem helping her but she needed decide what heritage to present. Her fathers ancestor was falsely accused and burned at the stake while my ancestors were accused and admitted to their crimes mocking and cursing all who looked on. She of course found my heritage more amusing. I told her we are actually of 14th century bloodline. Started out as what some would call shamans and evolved through the years. I told Kiersten that I would call her Nana and Grandma and see about showing her our family heirlooms and books. Normally she would be allowed to view all books once she is given her rite of passage. I however made the choice early on that she should be allowed to chose her own path. My mother and grandmother accepted my choice and gave it blessing. I feel now that she is asking questions that she should learn the heritage that has defined so many. I also feel that maybe it is time that i refresh myself
and my origins.

More rain and snow

Today was filled with lots of rain and snow. Kayleigh did not want to ride the bus so I took her to school. Afterwards I went to see Karl at work and give him his phone that he had forgotten at home. I spent some time with him on his lunch and then went off to Jessica's. We decided to start finalizing the plans for the Valentines party. Took a trip to Wally world and messed around a bit but we did manage to get a few more things. We came up with some cool food idea's that should work out well.
I must say that I have really been enjoying the time that i have been spending with Jessica. I was not sure I could ever feel that open and comfortable with her again after last year. I was left feeling a lot of hurt and betrayal. I will say that her and i have grown in the past year. We both have made changes in our lives that i believe have made us better people. Those changes for me have allowed it much easier to pick up our friendship and to forgive the past. So before I star getting all emotional i will end this post and say to you Jessica "I love you friend"

Rained out

My weekend did not go as planned. We had wanted to throw a party for Melody with family but it fell through. The rain prevented us from having the party and not many wanted to drive in the rain. I had called to see about moving the party indoors which was not a problem but we were left with only indoor options. Arcade and laser tag. No mini golf or rides. So bummed. So we decided to wait.

I found myself this weekend being concerned with the conversations that i had with my stepchildren. I was shocked at the things they were saying and found myself struggling to respond back to them. Even looking over at Karl i found him looking in shock to. Its obvious that the children are not happy with their living arrangements or the custody agreement. They are looking to use for some type of relief. What do you say when your being told about how unhappy they are? I think the most interesting part was when they said they wanted Adam to move out and Karl to move back in. When it was brought up about me the kids decided that I could be a second wife like Heather was...What!! Oh wait it gets better because the kids were saying that Heather is back to being their moms wife so i could be a third. One of the older ones stepped in to say that they were working on being back together and mom anticipates that being soon but hold on, "Liz are you gay?". They said I would have to be gay to be a wife of their moms.To them this was perfectly normal and ok. I was left with no words. We told the kids enough because it was not going to happen. We explained the best we could that everyone is where they want to be and are happy.

I think the messed up part out of all of this is that Melissa will not communicate or co-parent with Karl. So these issue's along with many others go unresolved. We are left trying to correct things on our end but it only goes so far when its not being dealt with on hers. On a side note I am looking into family counseling for us as a family. Especially more so with the girls and Karl. The girls have so much going on in their heads and when they are being told not to tell anyone, it makes it harder to deal. I'm hoping this will give the girls more power to be independent, responsible and carry themselves on a higher level. Give them more confidence in who they are and allow them to make choices without fear. They are such beautiful girls and deserve to blossom.

Bra-lala

3 months into my pregnancy and i have grown out of my bra's. I'm thinking this is crazy. I wasn't expecting it. Not like this. I have actually lost weight since becoming pregnant so why so soon. Its all a bit frustrating to me seeing that i now have to go into a bra size i am unfamiliar with. Its hard enough searching for 36 DD in stores but now its a whole new ball game. I guess i could be acting a bit childish on this whole bra thing but hey i like my boobs. They have not yet allowed gravity to sink them. Although not as perky but I still get asked if they are real. Yes they are! I'm sad to say that this might be the downfall of them.

Score 4-2

Boy or Girl? That's the question and everyone is chiming in.

On the girl side we have:

Mat and Stephani
They claim to use the Chinese Birth calender on more then 20 occasions and have never been wrong.

My Mother
Her claim to fame is her psychic abilities. She is generally 100% accurate about most things except predicting the sex of babies. Although this time she says it came to her in a dream.


On the boy side we have:

Peter
A psychic friend of my mothers. Peter has shown 100% accuracy in all fields and claims to be certain it is a boy.

Grandma Pam
Her thoughts are that I'm carrying much higher and much different from Kier and Kayleigh.

Dr Chamberlain and staff
As an orthodontist he claims women whom are pregnant with boys tend to have moderate to severe swelling and bleeding of the gum tissue. Women pregnant with girls suffer none to mild. He says mine are fairly bad hence I'm having a boy. Oh and he is yet to be wrong.

Jessica
Her claim is the ole charm on a string. Place it over the belly and allow it to do its thing. Spinning equals girl and swaying side to side equals boy. Mine swayed.


So anyone else want to get in on this??

Phase 2 and the OBGYN

On Tuesday Kier and i went to the orthodontist. They dropped the bomb on me that Kier was ready for phase 2. Say what?? Up till now her new teeth were coming in perfect but behold a few that wanted to stray. So we go back next week for a new set of x-rays and from there braces being placed back on. She is not to thrilled but I keep telling her to think of the last time she had them on. She only wore them for 4 months. If all goes well she will have hers removed before she starts school next year. On the money side of things i was a bit depressed. We are currently paying half of Melody's braces. We had planned to pay off our half this week so it would be one less bill for us to pay each month. Now we have to rethink. We did however get lucky. Karl's plan had changed for dental so we are able to get 1500.00 paid towards Kier's braces. That's more than half her bill. YAY!

Last night i got a call from Kaiser telling me that one of the test i had taken had come back in. The told me that my first trimester combined screening had came back as showing i was a risk. So they have me coming in today @ 2:30 to have a Nuchal translucency screening test.This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your health care practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems.The NT test uses ultrasound to measure the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your developing baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average. They will be able to give me a preliminary diagnosis right after this test is performed. I'm hoping that it will show that i had a false screening.

I generally can keep it together in times like these. With my medical knowledge I always try to maintain the positive and weigh the statistics. Karl on the other hand showed a lot of distress over this. It was bad enough to elevate my worries. After pulling him aside to talk to him i found that what I'm going through was bringing back feelings that he had experienced with Kayla when she had leukemia. I assured him that I love him and that I will not let him go through this alone nor will i shut him out in trying to deal myself. This is our baby and we will take this journey together. I know earlier when i got off the phone with Kaiser i had told him that i could go by myself. He asked if I wanted him to go and i said it was up to him. I think this might had made him feel as though i did not want him to go. I went to him later and told him that i do want him to go. I want him with me at every visit but at the same time i don't expect him to miss work. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that me and our baby mean more to him then work. However he does know that he needs his job. Thank god for vacation and personal time :)

Not me

So recently i locked down my blog due to some BS. It seems that people are reading my blog and taking something so vague and turning it into a national crisis. Apparently I'm dishing out personal attacks and sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. HUH?? This is where i say to you, grow up! Its a blog and it is my blog. It contains my personal views and opinions. If you are allowing your own insecurities to attack you by comparing yourself to what i am generalizing in my blog...well then maybe the truth hurts.
I'm not the type of person to hide behind a locked down blog, talk crap about people in my life and be oblivious to my faults. I say what i say and own up to my actions. I'm not one sided on my opinions. I take the time to listen and discuss issues at hand and i admit when i am wrong. By me going private I realized that I'm allowing myself to become that insecure person and play those games. I have nothing to hide in my life.

To sum it up..

Saturday night was a crazy night for me and Jessica. We went to Tisha's birthday party and Marcy was there too. Tisha and Marcy got trashed while Jessica and I stayed sober. I will say i was thankful for Jessica being there because with me being preggers, I was unable to fully take care of Tisha once she got sick. But enough said about that night.
Sunday I found myself very tired. Not getting to bed till about 2 and being up at 6 just about drained me. I went over to Tisha's to help with some things but she was just to hung over to do anything. We just ended up visiting for awhile and catching up on things. When I got home i was wanting to nap but that really did not happen. The back door is in my bedroom so i was constantly being woken up to the kids going in and out of the house.
Overall the weekend went fairly well with all the kids. The only problem that Karl and I saw was that his girls weren't really allowing Kayleigh to play with them on Rock Band. They started becoming very competitive and blaming others when the band had failed. At times we found that when it was Kayleigh's turn they would decide not to play. Kayleigh would be left by herself or Karl and I would have to play with her. The second that Kayleigh would get off they would want to all the sudden play again. Kayleigh does well on vocals and so does Amber so. It became more of the sister bond and Kayleigh was left out.
So today I'm going to go shopping to get items for my Valentines Party. I have been putting it off but I know i need to get started. I figured that while I'm out I will stop by and surprise Karl and take him to lunch. It will also give me some time without kids around to talk about what to do with the tax money and his bonus. Between the both we are getting well over 5 figures. We have already planned to allocate some towards the wedding, furniture, and a new car. I also want to take some money and get Kier and Kayleigh their spring/summer shoes and clothing. It will give us some time to to see if maybe their is a little treat we might want to get ourselves with the left over money. Well I'm off......