New Start

I will no longer be posting to this blog. I have started a new one. I will be linking up my new blog to my Facebook.

Life's Lessons.....

Do you ever have that moment when you realize that some people are not who they claim to be. Just when you can bet your life that you know and trust this person. The mask comes off. Its easy to preach and even easier to to wear a mask of deception as you do so.
I have been thru so much this past year. Cancer, depression,and the loss of my Grandmother to name a few. As each door closes i learn who is still by my side.

Finding Me

Yes i know its been awhile. So much has happened that finding a start is a bit hard. Not to mention it could take awhile. Rather then writing of past events, i feel in my heart i should write about my thoughts.
For awhile I have been lost. I have been unhappy. I lack the passion i once had. I found myself faking most of my feelings. Sad part is, it wasn't very hard. I have always had the ability to dissect situations and to view them at different stand points. I pay attention to slightest details, especially in humans. Behaviors, actions, and feelings. I know the appropriate way to act and react to almost all situations. That alone has made it easy for me to fake my feelings, my emotions.
I really can't pin point the day but i can tell you how it came about. I became the person who had to be there for every one else. My life and my feelings became unimportant. Its what you do when you love and care for some one right. You drop everything to be there for them no matter how important. Well the messed up part of that is, it only went one way. See it was expected of me but when i needed guidance, help , a friend. I had to wait. I was not important to them. I was being selfish. I needed to realize they had a life and more important things to deal with. Yet when the tables turned, it was a different story. Rather carry the anger and hurt of knowing i was not worth it to them. I faked that it was ok. That i was strong. Oh yeah I'm sooo happy for you and I would love to solve your problems!
Eventually i became numb. Numb was easier to handle then to have the feeling that i was being used. That certain friends and family were the crappiest kind you could have. I had read before that friends will let you down and make mistakes and that you shouldn't be upset and to deal with it because no one is perfect. You shouldn't hold friends to certain expectations because they will fail. Well that was possibly the worst advice I ever read. That advice right there lead me down a wrong path. It taught me to close up and to not hold people accountable for there actions. To accept and move on. Yet allow myself to be taken advantage of over and over again. To allow these people to continue their behavior yet for me to strive to be the friend/family member i believe everyone should be.
Against my better judgement, i stopped following that inner voice. You know the one that gives you that gut feeling. I allowed everyone else to steer me in the wrong direction. I allowed them to guilt me into what they wanted. Always being told its the right thing to do. Allowing my home life, my husband, and my children to be unhappy. Yet when things went south, I was left to pick up the pieces alone. My family and I were the ones left to suffer. I neglected the opinions of my husband, mother and children. I allowed others to control and destroy my life.
I no longer will be that person. I refuse to be taken advantage of. I refuse to be guilt ed into decisions. I refuse to hold less worth then you. I refuse to put your happiness ahead of mine and my family's. Your words no longer hold power over me!
My family and home deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy, to find my passion in life again. More importantly I deserve to be me :) Oh and I will be holding people to my expectations and accountability. Why shouldn't I?

100 Small Comforts #2

Tomorrow is the most
important thing in life
... it puts itself in
our hands and hopes
we've learnt something
from yesterday.

100 Small Comforts #1

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT
FINDING YOURSELF-
LIFE IS ABOUT
CREATING YOURSELF.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Home!

We are finally in our new home that Karl and I bought. Let the all the fun begin!

Ramblings......

It has been awhile since blogging that I almost forgot it existed. There has been so much going on in my life. Don't know where to start so I'll just throw it all out there to get caught up.

The girls:

Kiersten is definitely a beautiful young woman and very smart. Her report card is mostly A's with 2 B's. I would also like to point out that these are all AP classes too. She is President of her Avid class and has been doing a lot to give back to the school and community.Her photography is more amazing then the last with no effort at all. She just has the eye for it. Now for the beauty part. She is almost 13 but looks 16. Just look at the picture....mind you we were at the mall and the girls were playing dress up. They were playing around acting like normal 13yr old. Karl is more then ready to fight off all the boys coming around.

Kayleigh has been your normal 6yr old but has been struggling a bit in school. Come the first of the year she will be tested for learning disabilities. The major thing that we have been seeing with her is that she writes in perfect mirror image. Its a bit creepy when you see it happen. But she is still very sweet and has been a great big sister to Abby. She enjoys going to church on Sundays with her Aunt Jess and looks forward to when she is able to go again

Abby is getting so big! Its hard to believe she will be 4 mos soon. She is such a happy baby. She loves to talk and laugh. Her eyes get so fixated on the world around her.She likes to see everything. Karl likes to read up on abilities that babies have at certain ages. His thing now is that she can understand and say vowel sounds at this stage. You can be sure that he is constantly working with Abby on her vowels. She can roll over but hasn't been getting much floor time. Karl took her out the other day and bought her some toys.Oh and last week I took her to get her ears pierced. She looks so cute!

Karl and I have been doing well. Working and family have kept us busy. I have an amazing husband and marriage. Our house is still in escrow. Its had a few hiccups but its all for the best and we are looking forward to it closing withing a week or so.

We will both be working on Thanksgiving with Abby and Kayleigh going to my parents house. Kiersten will be volunteering with Jess and Cera that day feeding the homeless and family's in need. It is through Legacy the church Jess attends. Yesterday Kayleigh came home from church with a bag that she is suppose to bring back on Wednesday filled with food to donate to the church for Thanksgiving. We as a family decided that the 19 pound turkey we received today for the Morongo Indians will be part of that donation. I cannot tell you how proud this makes Kayleigh.

We have been blessed in so many ways and are grateful. It keeps getting better.

P.S.

Your silly spells and negativity have no power over me and my family. It will only come back on YOU!